Parenting Difficult Children

www.catrinaearls.com

Let's face it, being a parent is HARD. And being a parent of a difficult child is even harder. Sometimes we get blessed with a child who for the most part is pretty compliant, doesn't rock the boat too much, and is a bit of a dream. Then there are those who are doubly blessed with that stubborn, born to raise Hell, difficult child. I might add, I have 2 of the latter. Those difficult children, the children who bring us to the brink of mental breakdowns almost daily, those are the world changers y'all!

I wanted to post a little encouragement here along with some passages of scripture I hold near and dear to my heart as a fellow mom of difficult children. Actually, as I write this, my oldest son is home suspended from school for losing his temper and hitting another child out of frustration. So, I can say from personal experience that I know what it is like to walk a road of difficulty, uncertainty, and learning to trust God as the ultimate author of my child's story. It isn't easy by any means, but over the years, God continues to refine me and mold me to handle the troubles we continue to face as parents of a difficult child. Not with confidence in myself, but in confidence in Him, the one who knows and sees the whole picture. The one who "knows the plans He has for you" (Jeremiah 29:11) and me and our children. There is nothing that comes to pass that He does not see or know. All is working for a greater purpose, even if we can't see it in the moment.

To raise a difficult child is to partner with God in changing the world. And I will stand by that statement until the day I meet Jesus. Difficult children, the ones who buck the system. The ones who don't fit into the proverbial societal box that the world would like us all to fit in. Those are the kids who when given the proper foundation, who learn to live their lives for Jesus; they are the ones who set the world on fire. The ones who help change this world for the better. And we, mamas, get a front row seat to the show. We get to help mold and shape these little lives, but we cannot do it alone.

My biggest piece of advice from someone else in the trenches with you in raising a difficult child is to be well emersed in the Word. Keep your Bible close my dear friend and get ALL the Jesus you can get. Make sure you have your feet on solid ground and on a foundation that seeks Him first, because when you do that, you can pour that back out onto your children. Finding help, wisdom, and encouragement in scripture is quite literally the only advice I feel I can give of any value. Other than that, I am struggling right alongside you.

I have so many verses I could share with you for different reasons and for different seasons of parenting, but here are a few of my absolute favorites I pray bring you a bit of encouragement today:

For when you feel exhausted and at a loss of what to do:

I lift up my eyes to the mountains - where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.

Psalms 121:1-2

Know that you aren't doing this alone and that the Maker of heaven and earth; the maker of that beautiful, hard, child is with you and is helping you. There is nothing more comforting than completely understanding this truth.

For when the road gets a little bumpy (and it will):

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

This might sound a little crazy, but as the road gets harder, you must learn to rejoice, even in the hard times. Continue to pray, even when God seems silent. He is there. He cares. He is working even when you can't see it or feel it. Trust Him as the author of your story and of your child's story. I promise, He loves our children so much more than even us and wants the absolute best for them. Sometimes that comes through difficult situations. We must learn to trust the process.

For when you don't understand, have questions, or doubts:

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."

Isaiah 55:8-9

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to HIM, and He will make your paths straight.

Proverbs 3:5-6

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.

Psalms 46:1

Oh, how we like to be in control. How we would love to know every detail and save our children from every heartache that this world will surely throw at them. I am right there with you, dear one. But God. When you have a difficult child, you have to learn to submit your child to the will of the Father. To lean on His wisdom and direction, not your own or the latest parenting book. Go to Him first for every question, doubt, and fear and He will make your path straight and give comfort and strength for the journey ahead.

When you feel like you are in a season of waiting:

I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him." The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the one who seeks Him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.

Lamentations 3:24-26

Waiting is hard. If you are in a season of waiting, you must choose to trust God. To trust in HIS timing, not your own. You must choose to put your hope in Him, not in the outcome of your circumstances.

I will leave you with one more verse. Hopefully a good one for you to hold on to and to feel encouraged by in any situation. It is a verse I hold near and dear to my heart and meditate on regularly; especially when my children feel extra difficult, or I feel overwhelmed by what life continues to throw at me.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6-7

Dear one, being a parent is hard. Being a parent of a strong-willed, difficult child is even harder. It can feel overwhelming, isolating, frustrating and honestly defeating at times. But don't give up. You have the greatest superpower in the universe on your side, the Holy Spirit. Tap into that source and allow Him to fill you up each and every day as you navigate the choppy waters of parenting a difficult child.

It is possible to stand strong in parenting a difficult child. It won't be easy, but as you lean into these verses (and so many others), into God's words, allow Him to give you His supernatural strength and peace for the journey ahead. That spicy child you are raising may just change the world, you watch!

Stay strong, mama. Love you tons!